In reality
you are a complex miracle of creation. Your
intrinsic value is that you are a human life that lives, experiences and
perceives. By this definition, you are just as worthy as everyone else who
is doing the same thing. Achievement does not equal worth. So whatever you do
or create, contribute should not come from a need to prove your value, but
comes instead from the natural flow of your own aliveness.
Many people
feel that their worth depends on their behavior, as if they were an empty vessel
filling up with drops of achievement. This makes your worth dependent on what
you do and how well you do it. The critic wants you to believe that you have no
intrinsic value, only potential for doing something worthwhile or important.
To disarm
the critic and empower yourself, ask yourself what you gain for neutralizing his
attacks.
What is the
cost of gaining a strong sense of identity?
ü
Generosity with spouse.
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Kindness to children.
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Gaining friends because of politeness.
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Assertiveness with clients/fellow workers even
if they are uncomfortable with it.
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Affirmative to those in authority.
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You feel relaxed and at ease with people.
ü
Bravely attempting new things because you know
you can get them right.
Good self-esteem
gives you a great gain in every area of life. So when the critic attacks, be
ready to tell them what your effects would rather be.
Advice to those
recovering, untwisting and healing from any type of abuse:
Recovery consists of building a solid foundation on truth
strong enough to resume a functioning and positive life. It encompasses the
following: Raise your children in such a way that they have a normal happy
childhood. Give them the opportunity to have autonomous thought and know who
they are so they can decide where they fit. With a healthy environment, they
would have ease of making decisions, trust those in authority and develop
skills especially social skills.
·
Network with others;
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Growing spiritually;
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Raising your awareness;
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Reconciling with those concerned
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Forgiving others and yourself
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Pace yourself
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Professional therapy where needed
·
Reintegrating into society
·
Having hope for the future
·
Write about your feelings and experiences.
Writing has been found to be very helpful to survivors and enables you process
your thoughts by getting them out of your head and down on paper where you can
reflect and make sense of them.
·
Encourage the support of safe persons who
understands what you went through and are willing to listen, validate and
empower you.
·
As you start making your own decisions, living
the way you know best for you, and understand that you are worthwhile and have
something unique to offer others, then you will gain the feeling of being
distinguished and brave. The best comeback is to become happy and productive.
In addition, take time out to rest, go on a walk, listen to
music, draw, write poetry, remind yourself you are now living in the present
and they can't control you anymore--whatever helps you. Don't forget to include
a healthy, balanced diet with plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables (taking
added supplements for stress if necessary). Get adequate sleep, exercise, and
times of relaxation, as neglecting these things can affect how you feel
physically and emotionally.
Once you realize that you have the power to change things in
your life, you will not feel you have to wait for people to be good to you. You
have the power to choose a better option."
Hope for the future
Develop a
relationship with God by growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus
Christ. With time you will feel free to be yourself and begin developing your
gifts and interests again. This can be the beginning of a new life that you
choose for yourself.
You regain the creativity and individuality that God
originally gifted you with and you become a stronger and more discerning person
than you were before.
